How many mouths are you trying to feed?

The end of the year has finally arrived. Later today the staff of BRWC will gather together and share ministry stories that occurred this year. As we prepare for a new year, we want to begin it in the spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving. Before Jesus fed the 5000 with those five loaves and two fish, he lifted them up to Father and gave thanks. I don’t know about your specific situation today but I am pretty confident that many of you are facing some pretty overwhelming situations as we launch into a new year. Think about it for a minute. Jesus was facing an overwhelming situation: thousands of hungry mouths and only one lunch to feed them with. You know how the story goes, though. Jesus knew that Father wanted to feed them…and if Father wants it to happen, it happens.

We face impossible situations every day and I am finally to the point where I welcome that. I have finally concluded that I would rather be in a situation that is impossible without God than in a situation that is possible because of my own abilities and strength. I find both in my life regularly (you probably do as well) and I love it when God shows up—especially when the situation is impossible if he doesn’t.

As we budget and plan for 2010 I tend to focus on what we need and what we don’t have rather than on the heart of Father. Will we have enough volunteers? Will we have enough money? Will we have a favorable political climate? Will there be enough to go around? My tendency is to look at all the hungry mouths that need to be fed. Is that your tendency as well?

Would you join with me this New Year as I change my view from the hungry mouths to the Father who loves us beyond measure? Let’s lift up all that we have today and ask Him to bless it and use it as he sees fit. I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts on this subject

Father doesn’t need to punish his child for being disobedient

Father doesn’t need to punish his child for being disobedient; the real time result of being disobedient is punishment enough.

If I were to climb to the top of the office roof and jump off, I would experience the consequences of my decision almost immediately. The roof is 3 stories up, about 25 feet from the ground. Ouch! I am fully aware of the principle of gravity. I also know that Jesus is the author and sustainer of that principle. Scripture tells me that he created all things and he holds all things together. I could have prayed that God would suspend gravity for a couple minutes while I jumped off so I could float to the ground gently and avoid pain and injury. I could have prayed all the way down as well. Father, through the Spirit was reminding me of the effects of gravity while I stood on the edge of the roof. He reminded me of them on the way down. He will remind me of them as we spend some time together in the E.R. Upon landing, Father does not say, “I’m going to send him to the woodshed for this.” Instead, he tells me that he loves me and that he is pained by my pain. He lets me know that he will put me back together and in time, he will encourage others not to jump off buildings with my story. Father uses our recovery times to draw us closer to him…closer so that we can hear him more clearly and learn that he desires to lead us along a narrow path…the narrow path. People who disobey Father’s instruction is nothing new to him; it has been happening since the first ones were created. All of us are disobedient regularly and some of us daily. Knowing Father’s heart helps me to understand that the outcomes of my actions provide an opportunity for me to draw closer to him.

"I will make you as white (clean) as the snow"

"Four women......Three with their husbands and one with her mother and father, sat quietly and nervously as the service began. It was supposed to be a celebration...a time to rejoice over the lives of their children. Their journey,begun some eight weeks earlier,was one filled with ups and downs, laughter and tears, fear and courage, loneliness and the amazing discovery of “never-aloneness.” The hurt, loss, they had hidden in their souls years earlier had been revealed...The secret had been surrendered. I watched them all cry, some with a depth of emotion that caused them to tremble. They all spoke of their journey and the way that Father had revealed himself to them along the way. Each one of them had heard Father speak directly to their hearts…they heard him say,“I love you, I always have and I always will.” As I anointed them with the oil of gladness I looked deeply into their eyes. They were full of joy and glimmered through the tears. As I prayed, I heard Father say, “do you see how clean snow really is?” I do know something about snow. Living in Michigan, snow was a major part of my life for over 12 years. But I had never seen snow that white, that clean before. As we ended our time of celebration I charged their men to find the same forgiveness and healing for the secrets in their souls......so that they too could know that Father’s heart is turned absolutely to his children. That is, after all, the Father’s heart."

Father doesn’t reject me because I am disobedient to him.

He looks at my disobedience as an opportunity to build me up. After all, he knew I would be disobedient before I was.

Many of you have fathers that turn their back to you whenever you disappoint them or are disobedient to them. We seem to learn early on that acceptance in the “real world” requires compliance and living up to someone else’s expectations. It continues in marriage and then we model it to our children and the cycle starts all over. Fortunately that isn’t the way of the Father regardless of what you have been taught in Sunday school, church, or bible study. Our Father knows when you are going to be disobedient before you ever are. He offered Jesus for forgiveness of that disobedience before you ever lived it out. Father is the one who is with us always and never leaves us…no matter what. When we are disobedient to him, he knows that the good to come from it will be our change…our conforming to the image of Jesus; if we will allow it.

Obedience to Father simply keeps you on the pathway that he has set before you; it is a momentary decision.

Obedience to Father simply keeps you on the pathway that he has set before you; it is a momentary decision that keeps you close to the one who loves you.

I tend to think of obedience in terms of the long run. If I can be moving in the general direction of obedience to Father, over time I should come out alright. Wrong thinking! Obedience is about the now…the immediate. As I walk with Father he is constantly showing me the pace and direction he is traveling. I must learn to move with him in obedience to the moment. I cannot do that if I think that my relationship with him is dependent upon the few minutes I spend with him at the start of the day. I must learn to walk with him attentively all 1440 minutes of every day. Doing so allows him to adjust my pace and direction. Throw out the books on prayer that tell you to spend more time at the beginning of the day. Grasp the concept of being in constant communication with Father.

Thinking that by being more obedient will give me better standing with the Father is wrong thinking. I am already in right standing with the Father.

Everywhere we turn in life we are being measured. In school our performance is graded and those who perform better are rewarded and recognized. Being the teacher’s pet can be a good thing at times. In the work place those who perform better than the rest are expected to be rewarded for that extra effort. In our homes we treat our children better when they do their chores or give that little extra effort. Likewise, when we perform poorly in any of those environments we learn to expect a little less notoriety. Before too long the average or mediocre learn to accept the fact that they will seldom if ever get any recognition. Those who can’t keep up or fail altogether eventually quit out of hopelessness and they are branded as “losers.” It is the way of the world. Unfortunately, we bring this worldly concept into our relationship with Father. If we can somehow perform better, do more, or be the teacher’s pet we will make him love us more. Heaven forbid we be labeled “losers” by not performing up to standards. Yet today that is exactly how many Christians see themselves. At best they are average and mediocre; stuck in a place where Father will never recognize them. Or at worst, they have a big “L” tattooed on their forehead. Well, I’ve got news for the “successful”, “mediocre”, and “loser”, Wake Up!!!! You’ve got it all wrong. Because of what Jesus has done, the door to Father’s love is open to all of his children. All of us are precious, valuable, and loved. Your performance has nothing to do with how much Father loves you. He has always loved you completely but it took Jesus to open the door so that love could flow to you. As a child of the Father you have all of his love available to you; you are already highly favored.

My relationship with God does not rely on my obedience to him. Jesus is the one who is perfectly obedient.

For 25 years I have struggled with my own disobedience to God’s word. I taught and preached about the need for us to be obedient to God or else… Yet it doesn’t take me long to slip back into disobedience, to screw up once again. I know in my mind that Jesus was perfectly obedient to Father but I have mistakenly thought that he requires nothing less than that from me. When I was chosen for this team, I was given a position to play; a destiny to fulfill. It’s kind of like being drafted to play football in the NFL. I can study the play book for months but during practice I learn how to apply what I have been reading. A good coach will help me recognize that I also have to work on my strength and speed. But the real test isn’t in the classroom or on the practice field. The real test comes in the game. But games are won and lost as we learn the how to’s. Listening to and doing what the coach says isn’t always easy but as we do more of it we play the game better. Obedience is really about listening to Father in the classroom, on the practice field, and in the game. If playing in the NFL required perfect execution by every player on every play or else… it wouldn’t be long before all of the players were sent packing.

The Hidden Gift in the Decisions We Face

Life is a series of decisions that are made on a daily, hourly and minute by minute basis. Some of those decisions are between what is right and wrong, good and bad, wise and unwise. But many of those decisions are more subtle. These subtle decisions can be between foolish and prudent, expedient and convenient, lazy and diligent, and even timely and untimely. With each decision comes a number of possible outcomes, some good and some bad. It is possible to make a wrong or bad decision and have a good outcome. It is also possible to make a good or right decision and have a bad outcome. So what is the point? What good are all of the decisions?

As a believer, a redeemed child of God, I have learned that the decisions we face serve four primary purposes. First, so that we learn the truth contained in the paragraph above. Second, so that we learn that the consequences of every decision we make belong to us individually. My decisions may affect others, but I am responsible for them. Third, that we learn that God is totally aware of the decisions we make and the consequences of those decisions before they are even made…and that He loves us (me) regardless. Fourth, that we learn to make better future decisions through the process of living out the consequences of past and current ones. Let me unpack this a little.

The first lesson is easy, but if you don’t get it, read the first paragraph over and over until you do. The second lesson is a little harder. Our tendency is to take credit for decisions with good outcomes. We don’t always brag about them outwardly, but inwardly we pat ourselves on the back. We deserve to get some of the credit, but the real reward for making decisions that end up with good outcomes is more than just a pat on the back. On the other hand, we tend to look for someone or something to blame for the decisions we make that end up with bad outcomes. Blaming someone else or something else may make us feel better at the time but it keeps us from a special reward that is hidden in the process. That reward is the discovery that no one can “make” us do anything, we always have a choice to make in every matter.

Whether we realize it or not, our God is sovereign. So nothing we do catches him by surprise. He is always guiding us to make decisions with His truth and “His-self” in the forefront. As His children He is always with us regardless of situation, consequence or circumstance. If He loved us (me) enough to send Christ while we were still sinners so that we could become His children, then He will always love us (me) as we walk through life as His child…regardless of the outcomes of our decisions. God’s focus is not to get our lives right but rather to get our relationship with Him right. Life is not about never making a bad decision. It is about knowing that God is with me no matter what the circumstances or outcomes may be. And He always loves being with me!

Finally, since God loves us and enjoys being with us, He also wants to see us full of His joy. As a father He wants to give us good gifts, and He loves it when we get excited about those gifts. When I plan and prepare a special gift for my child, I really love it when they are excited to open and experience that gift. Father is the same way. When we make decisions with His truth and “His-self” in the forefront, it is like unwrapping a gift that He has specially prepared. But listen carefully: the consequence or outcome is not the gift. The gift is the smile we see on His face. He has made a way for us that is good and He revels in us when we walk in that way. And when we don’t, He is lovingly redirecting us to that path. God’s love doesn’t wane when we make a bad decision, but His heart does occasionally break. Yet even with a broken heart, He walks with us through the consequences of that bad decision. The lesson to learn from both our good and bad decisions is that it is the process that matters most. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, New International Version)

By learning from the consequences of our past and current decisions we can learn that our focus should be more on the process of making that decision than on whether the decision is right or wrong. If we purpose to make all of our decisions with His truth and “His-self” in the forefront, we will have found the hidden gift in the decisions we face.

The Foundation of a Spiritual Coach’s Heart

Men’s ministry is one of the latest expanded efforts of pregnancy resource centers across the nation. PRC websites highlight ministry to their clients’ boyfriends, husbands, and the fathers of their babies. There are even national fatherhood initiatives that have sprung up to encourage men, and many PRCs are now incorporating those resources into their ministry efforts as well. One large ministry even offered grants for funding part-time staff to PRCs that initiate their endorsed men’s program. As a man who has been involved intimately with PRCs for 20 years, I say great, wonderful, halleluiah! But in order for men’s ministry in the PRC environment to be truly effective, a new foundation will have to be established in the hearts of the men who will shape it and lead it.

Since the U.S. Supreme Court decided Roe v. Wade, there have been an estimated 50 million abortions performed in this country. I realize that many of those abortions were performed on women who had past abortions. Statistics indicate, however, that the number of individual women who have experienced abortion in the U.S. is approximately 40 million. Additionally, recent statistics predict that by the end of 2010, 40% of the women of childbearing age in the U.S. will have had at least one abortion. Perhaps the most alarming statistic is that one in three women who attend church regularly have had at least one abortion. These numbers are sobering, but they leave out something I feel is absolutely essential to formulating an understanding and effective effort to reduce and potentially eliminate abortion.

If 40 million women have experienced abortion, isn’t it pretty safe to assume that there are a similar number of men who have been involved in abortions as well? If so, there are 40 million men walking around out there who have been complicit in the more than 50 million abortions that have taken place since 1973. The question for you might be, does abortion affect these men? I think that’s the wrong question, though. The right question is, how does abortion affect these men? Abortion certainly affects men differently than woman, but I can assure you that abortion has a profound effect on the life of a man.

When asked, most men don’t remember the dates associated with an abortion, nor do they generally associate a past abortion with the birth of another child, as many women do. So how does a past abortion affect a man? For many, it looks like one of the following struggles, or a combination of them: broken relationships, lack of trust, untrustworthiness, anger issues, depression, substance abuse, intimacy issues, overprotective parenting, heavy-handed discipline, pornography, infidelity, physical ailments and other health issues as well. Now I’m not suggesting that anyone experiencing these struggles has had a past abortion. I am suggesting, however, that when a man who has experienced abortion also has a life marked by one or more of these struggles, they may be linked in some way to his abortion experience.

Now little that I have said so far is new. It may be new to you, but all of it has been said before and extensively documented by people much smarter than me. The new concept that I would like to challenge us to think about is this: it really isn’t just about abortion. I will be the first to proclaim that abortion is wrong, a travesty, evil, violent, etc. Yet I am coming to an understanding that there is something more…something deeper that is wrong in men’s lives that results in their involvement in abortion.

Two concepts in God’s written word come immediately to mind as I think and pray about what we may be missing when abortion is our only focus. The first is the concept of sexual immorality, which unfortunately doesn’t have a clear definition in today’s society. Nonetheless, there are acceptable boundaries that God has defined for our sexual behavior. We are told that sexual immorality is the only sin we commit against our own body. So when we are involved in sexual immorality, our bodies will be impacted—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. God’s boundaries need to be rediscovered and proclaimed through our lives as truly a better way of living than what the world is offering.

Rampant sexual immorality is one of the deeper issues that must be addressed. I don’t want to suggest that every client we see is engaged in sexual immorality, but the vast majority of them are. So whether it is politically correct to say or not, the overwhelming majority of abortions occur because of sexually immoral activity. It should also be noted that there are many who are involved in immoral sexual behavior that do not end up pregnant as a result. Just because they don’t have to face the abortion decision doesn’t mean they face no consequences for their actions. Many suffer from the struggles I mentioned earlier.

At the end of the Old Testament we are told that God is going to send a spirit into the world that will return and reconnect the hearts of fathers to their children and children to their fathers. Attached to this promise is a warning that if we do not heed the spirit He sends, there will be a curse fostered on the land. Now I’m not really sure where we are in this timeline, but I am here to tell you that the hearts of fathers need to be turned toward their children today. What’s that, you say? My heart is toward my children? Great, wonderful, keep up the good work, don’t quit! But you are in the minority.

Somewhere between 30% and 50% of all births today are to single moms, unwed mothers. Half of all marriages end in divorce. In the suburbs, fathers are consumed with their careers and their stuff. In the inner city, violence and prison claim the majority of men’s lives. Kids who have a dad at home who is attentive and involved are the exception, not the norm. But even if a dad is available and involved, is his heart really “for” or “toward” his children? It’s a great question. I thought my heart was for my children; I would have said I was one of those dads. Perception is not always reality.

I recently finished reading Loving Your Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk. It was a great read and a revelation for me. Silk’s premise is the essential heart connection between parent and child—how to build it, mature it, repair it, and keep it. He has helped me recognize that the way I parent my children is a direct reflection of my concept of how Father parents me. Well, as I have learned more about the way Father parents me, I have seen how ungodly my well-intentioned approach to parenting my children has been. Abba, please forgive me. Anyway, I’ve been working on the heart connection I have with my kids and making it the priority of our relationship. What I think is happening is that I am actually turning my heart toward my children.

My conclusion is that we need to settle the ambiguous issue of sexual immorality and learn what it means to be fathers with hearts turned toward our children. Once those issues are galvanized in our own souls, we will need to help others come to the same realizations. Over the next weeks and months I will be sharing a way for each of us to engage others in the process. So if your heart has been stirred and you recognize the validity and value of what I have shared, send me your thoughts and comments as we walk this journey together.

Freedom from the consequences of sexual immorality and abortion:

My heart is to minister God’s love, forgiveness, and restoration into the Church. Today, over 25% of women and men in “evangelical” and “fundamental” churches have had at least 1 abortion experience in their life. Beyond that, over 70% of the women and men in those same churches have a history of sexual immorality; many still in bondage to it or affected by it today. Some of the ills of the church today; the breakdown of the family, the mass departure of our young people, and the sexual immorality among our teens, can be directly and indirectly attributed to our past sexual immorality. Only God’s love, forgiveness and restoration can change that.

I have prepared a message series that brings our brother’s and sister’s face to face with a loving God who desires to see them truly walk in the love and forgiveness of Jesus. Through my own testimony I share the power of redemption over past sexual immorality and how God uses our redeemed past to become the pathway to our purpose as ministers of the Gospel.

The introductory message is a 30-40 minute presentation that focuses on the good news God offers to those who have experienced sexual immorality and abortion. I touch on the consequences and how those consequences affect people’s lives; especially how they affect the life of a Christian. The purpose of this introductory message is not to point fingers or identify those who have experienced sexual immorality or abortion. The purpose of this message is to equip people in the church to bring the reality of God’s love, forgiveness and restoration to those in their lives who are struggling with the aftermath of sexual immorality and abortion.

Over the next few days I will be sharing more of this with you. Your input and prayers are always welcome.

Coach